I Scream, You Scream We All Scream For Breast Milk Ice Cream

Recently PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) suggested in a letter to ice cream manufactures Ben & Jerry’s that they should consider using human breast milk in their ice cream:

"If Ben & Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers—and cows—would reap the benefits," a PETA spokeswoman said in a letter to co-founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield……. "

Ben & Jerry’s politely declined the “offer:” We believe a mother's milk is best used for her child," the company said.”

Of course this story has received much attention, and a great many chuckles, as well as a few ice cream flavor suggestions (such as 'Thanks for the Mammaries"). One of the more interesting stories came from Ian Robinson, of the Calgary Sun:

Gimme two scoops of Pamela Anderson
By IAN ROBINSON

The following is a list of food that I have cheerfully eaten:

Goat head, calf face, dolphin, snails (both as escargot and caught in swamps and just thrown into the stewpot), roadkill dog, moose, muskrat, rabbit, squirrel, raw steak with a raw egg on top, chipmunk, deer, lung, heart, liver, kidney, baby cow, baby sheep, haggis, frog's legs (after catching and killing said frogs myself with a fishing line with a piece of red cloth as a lure stuck on a fishing hook -- and learned the hard way that when you fry up fresh frog's legs in a skillet over an open fire, that the frog's legs jump out of the pan and into the fire), duck, goose, pigeon, chicken's feet, blood pudding, cow brains, intestines, fish eggs and tongue.

I have also eaten Hamburger Helper concocted by an unskilled nine-year-old.
I have never, but would be willing to consume, a dead, frozen Uruguayan soccer player if I was stranded long enough in the Andes.

But there is something I will not eat under any circumstances, and it is this: Ice cream manufactured from the breast milk of a lactating woman.
Until this week, I never thought I would ever have to make such an assertion.
Never underestimate the capacity of various environmentally conscious whackjobs to pervert the process of the public discourse.

Last week, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals called on the most successful hippie business in the world, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, to substitute human breast milk for cow's milk in their product.
Let's just sit here and wince at the implications of that neo-Freudian nightmare, shall we?

Their call came on the heels of news reports a Swiss restaurant owner will try to swap breast milk for cow's milk in the food he serves.
(Note to self: No more Swiss chocolate.)

PETA is forgetting not every woman is as equipped for the task of industrial-level lactation as their most famous spokesperson, Pamela Anderson.
While most of us read about PETA's latest foray into public relations and chuckle, it's important to realize PETA, like other groups of lunatics such as Greenpeace and the NDP, are in it for the long haul.

PETA realizes if it just keeps chipping away at public opinion, people may find themselves, if not agreeing with PETA's ultimate aim -- to turn us all into vegans without pets or cool leather jackets -- with some parts of their platform.
It's the death of 1,000 cuts and it wears us down.

The evidence of that is in the statement issued by Ben & Jerry's.
"We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child."

The appropriate response would have been: "Get out of my office or I will hit you between the eyes with a sledgehammer, you *%$*@! morons."
We're so politically correct that a corporate flack has to first applaud PETA's creativity before gently suggesting the proper use of breast milk.

PETA's "creativity" has previously extended to comparing the beheading of a man on a Greyhound bus to the treatment of farm animals.
Not to mention the group's "Holocaust on your Plate" travelling exhibit, which put photos of concentration camp victims next to pictures of animals in our food chain process.

Just because PETA has learned that weird works better than confrontational, doesn't mean they're any less stupid, thoughtless, and evil.
If you forget that, don't blame me if some day you find yourself ordering a double-decker cone of Nipple Ripple or California Cleavage.