Don’t Like Tea Parties, Try Coffee!

Leave it to liberals to create a counter movement in which their symbol is a beverage topped with frothy milk, and whose motto is “espresso yourself.”

Lacking even one original bone in their vegan induced, emaciated bodies, this group of beret wearing neoprogressives have decided that they need to stand up “against” the tea party movement by writing a coffee manifesto!

The founder of the “movement,” Annabel Park, a documentary film maker (big surprise, the perfect vocation for the founder of such a group) even offered a motivating rallying cry:

"let's start a coffee party ... smoothie party. red bull party. anything but tea. geez. ooh how about cappuccino party? that would really p!ss 'em off bec it sounds elitist ..."

Gee you think, elitist? Where do I sign up?

Bruce Maiman wrote an interesting blog piece, in which he suggested some items that should be part of the coffee party planks:

* No sleeping until after the midterm elections
* YOU TYPE EVERYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS
* Ability to pass people on the highway without driving in your car
* Rename your kids "Cappuccino," "Americano" and "Mocha Latte"
* Tendency to lick window panes at Starbucks
* All videos watched in fast-forward
* Can only stand still during an earthquake
* Pulse can only be measured using the National Debt Clock
* You do 20 miles on the treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in
* You're shaking like Jim Bunning at an unemployment office
* You don't sweat, you percolate

Can’t wait for the first meeting when they breakout the bongo drums and unveil the new group flag, which just happens to feature a picture of Juan Valdez and his burro.