Obama Drinking Song

It is said that everybody has a little Irish in them, especially when you consider that Ireland leading export for decades was its youth.

Obama’s Irish ancestry (on his mother’s side) was discussed earlier in the campaign, but the following song adds a little humor to it:

The song can be used as the second drinking game brought to us by the Obama campaign. The rules of the first game were that every time Obama said “Change” and “Hope,” the audience took a shot. So, why wait until Saint Patrick’s Day? Raise a pint of Guinness (or two) and sing along. You have four-years to learn the lyrics.

Electoral College: Move Oregon and New Hampshire

I Scream, You Scream We All Scream For Breast Milk Ice Cream

Recently PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) suggested in a letter to ice cream manufactures Ben & Jerry’s that they should consider using human breast milk in their ice cream:

"If Ben & Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers—and cows—would reap the benefits," a PETA spokeswoman said in a letter to co-founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield……. "

Ben & Jerry’s politely declined the “offer:” We believe a mother's milk is best used for her child," the company said.”

Of course this story has received much attention, and a great many chuckles, as well as a few ice cream flavor suggestions (such as 'Thanks for the Mammaries"). One of the more interesting stories came from Ian Robinson, of the Calgary Sun:

Gimme two scoops of Pamela Anderson
By IAN ROBINSON

The following is a list of food that I have cheerfully eaten:

Goat head, calf face, dolphin, snails (both as escargot and caught in swamps and just thrown into the stewpot), roadkill dog, moose, muskrat, rabbit, squirrel, raw steak with a raw egg on top, chipmunk, deer, lung, heart, liver, kidney, baby cow, baby sheep, haggis, frog's legs (after catching and killing said frogs myself with a fishing line with a piece of red cloth as a lure stuck on a fishing hook -- and learned the hard way that when you fry up fresh frog's legs in a skillet over an open fire, that the frog's legs jump out of the pan and into the fire), duck, goose, pigeon, chicken's feet, blood pudding, cow brains, intestines, fish eggs and tongue.

I have also eaten Hamburger Helper concocted by an unskilled nine-year-old.
I have never, but would be willing to consume, a dead, frozen Uruguayan soccer player if I was stranded long enough in the Andes.

But there is something I will not eat under any circumstances, and it is this: Ice cream manufactured from the breast milk of a lactating woman.
Until this week, I never thought I would ever have to make such an assertion.
Never underestimate the capacity of various environmentally conscious whackjobs to pervert the process of the public discourse.

Last week, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals called on the most successful hippie business in the world, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, to substitute human breast milk for cow's milk in their product.
Let's just sit here and wince at the implications of that neo-Freudian nightmare, shall we?

Their call came on the heels of news reports a Swiss restaurant owner will try to swap breast milk for cow's milk in the food he serves.
(Note to self: No more Swiss chocolate.)

PETA is forgetting not every woman is as equipped for the task of industrial-level lactation as their most famous spokesperson, Pamela Anderson.
While most of us read about PETA's latest foray into public relations and chuckle, it's important to realize PETA, like other groups of lunatics such as Greenpeace and the NDP, are in it for the long haul.

PETA realizes if it just keeps chipping away at public opinion, people may find themselves, if not agreeing with PETA's ultimate aim -- to turn us all into vegans without pets or cool leather jackets -- with some parts of their platform.
It's the death of 1,000 cuts and it wears us down.

The evidence of that is in the statement issued by Ben & Jerry's.
"We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child."

The appropriate response would have been: "Get out of my office or I will hit you between the eyes with a sledgehammer, you *%$*@! morons."
We're so politically correct that a corporate flack has to first applaud PETA's creativity before gently suggesting the proper use of breast milk.

PETA's "creativity" has previously extended to comparing the beheading of a man on a Greyhound bus to the treatment of farm animals.
Not to mention the group's "Holocaust on your Plate" travelling exhibit, which put photos of concentration camp victims next to pictures of animals in our food chain process.

Just because PETA has learned that weird works better than confrontational, doesn't mean they're any less stupid, thoughtless, and evil.
If you forget that, don't blame me if some day you find yourself ordering a double-decker cone of Nipple Ripple or California Cleavage.

Why I Am Voting Democrat

Obamapolooza World Tour T-Shirts On Sale Now!

Hotair recently announced their “Obama World Tour ‘08’ t-shirt finalist. Here are the results:

Obama World Tour - Opening Act: ABC, CBS, NBC

Looks like the audience at Hotair were far kinder than the Liberals over at the New Yorker magazine.

How To Speak Democrat

Not sure how I missed this one, but fortunately my network of common-sense Conservatives is far reaching:

Ouch!

Why To Vote Democratic

I recently came upon an article on Townhall.com written by Ben Shapiro. It is a satirical look at reasons why one might vote Democratic. I also found the comments related to the article humorous as well, and included my favorite at the end of this post. Enjoy.

Why I am voting Democrat
By Ben Shapiro

A new video on YouTube is taking the Internet by storm. Entitled "I'm Voting Republican," the satirical clip depicts actors playing conservative Americans of all shapes and sizes explaining why they would vote for the GOP.

"Arnold Jones" says he's voting Republican because "all other countries are inferior to us" -- and his wife, "Trudy Jones," adds, "and we should start as many wars as we need to keep it that way." A soldier in Iraq states that he's voting Republican "so I can stay in Iraq" -- and a young boy, labeled "future draftee," points a fake gun at the camera and smiles while saying "so I can go to Iran!"
A black couple says they're voting Republican because they "like a conservative majority on the Supreme Court," with the wife noting, "we really like knowing that even if we're separate, we'll still be called equal."

This insulting nonsense is precisely what liberals think of conservatives: We're all warmongers, racists, environmental rapists and secret emissaries of big corporations. We're going to reinstitute the draft, start a war with Canada and then relocate African-Americans to Quebec.

This sort of tripe should be dismissed out of hand. In the spirit of evenhandedness and fair play, however, I feel it my duty to explain why I'm going to vote Democrat.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that the best strategy in war is defeat. It broadens the mind to learn Japanese, German and Arabic. Talk about multiculturalism!

I'm voting Democrat because I'm mad that George W. Bush hasn't caught Bin Laden. That's because Bin Laden is the only Islamic terrorist in the world.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that if I don't have enough money, the solution is for the government to take more of my money. Who needs money when gas is $5 per gallon?

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that the ideal family is two homosexual bonobos, a goat and a parrot raising a human baby. Love and compassion is all it takes to make a successful family!

I'm voting Democrat because it's my body, and if I want to kill my baby, I'll do it, even if its head is in the birth canal. If I want to cut out my intestines and feed them to the crocodiles, I'll do that too. That's the freedom our forefathers enshrined in the Constitution.

I'm voting Democrat because our enemies on the battlefield deserve comfy hotel rooms, Pay-Per-View, prostitutes and all the benefits of American citizenship.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe we need other countries' permission for me to turn down my thermostat.

I'm voting Democrat because I care about the real victims of crime -- criminals.

I'm voting Democrat because the real cure for racism includes preferential policies based on race -- particularly in presidential voting. If you believe that a black candidate ought to be qualified, as well as black, you're worse than Bull Conner.

I'm voting Democrat because everyone deserves crappy healthcare. Sure, you'll have to wait years for that life-saving cancer surgery. But it's first come, first served at the cemetery!

I'm voting Democrat because I believe in minority rights (except in Muslim countries), free speech (with regard to pornography but not conservative talk radio), environmentalism (unless we're talking about Al Gore's house) and diplomacy (but never backed by the threat of military force).

I'm voting Democrat because I like the words "hope" and "change." Also "kazoo." That's a funny word.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that America's founders were rich, white, greedy xenophobes, and that America's founding principles are hogwash requiring periodic editing from an unelected group of liberal judges.

Most of all, I'm voting Democrat because I like the ideas they have over in France, but I don't feel like moving there. I'll threaten to move, but I really won't. After all, I have a good job, healthcare, lower taxes, free speech and a social framework that promotes family structure. And all of it is defended by the most effective fighting force on the planet.

If only the institution of far-left values resulted in a great country. Oh, well. That won't stop me from voting Democrat, though. After all, I'm voting Democrat because thought isn't one of my strong suits.

Why I'm Voting Democrat - Townhall.com

Ben Shapiro is a regular guest on dozens of radio shows around the United States and Canada and author of Project President: Bad Hair and Botox on the Road to the White House.

Favorite Comment related to the article:

From Bass Man - Top Ten beliefs of Democrat Voters

Ibelieve that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

I believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese Communists.

I believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

I am against capital punishment of known murderers, but in favor of abortion-on-demand of unborn innocents.

I believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.I believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

I believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

I believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

I believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes and Christmas Carols at Christmas should be illegal.

I believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.

PS. take heart America, in 1980, Polls had Reagan behind by about 12 points just a couple months before the election...

P.P.S. All McCain has to do is tell the public as President he won't sign one damn bill until the one the allows drilling anywhere in America AND doubles our refining capacity crosses his desk - he'll win in a 45 state landslide. EVERYBODY needs Gas.

Mecha-Rocky Conquers Massachusetts

Researchers at Hampshire College, in Massachusetts, have come up with an interesting way to “infiltrate” a local clan of squirrels:

RoboSquirrel has Homeland Security thinking

What next, a mechanical Bullwinkle?

You Might Be A Liberal

I recently noticed a bumper sticker that featured the definition of a Liberal and a Conservative:

There’s tolerance for you! The bumper sticker got me thinking (I know, we conservatives aren’t suppose to be capable of free thought!) - What is a liberal? Searching the web, I found many examples that wouldn’t fit on a bumper sticker, but fit just fine here:

• You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism
• You think the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic.
• You’ve ever referred to the “root cause” of something
• You think we never gave peace a chance
• You had to be told that “Manhattan,” “menopause” and “boycott” were not sexist words
• You begin sentences with the words “I feel”
• Your driver’s license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn’t enough
• You think it takes a village
• You are a man and you hate yourself
• You hate your dad
• Someone offers you a Draught, you heard Draft, and headed for Canada
• You’re a woman and you don’t shave
• You think tofu is food
• You think the Daily Show is “news”
• You think that the words “to promote the general welfare” in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally
• You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling
• You think that the really dangerous McCarthy was Joe, not Eugene
• You think that if someone is getting richer, someone, somewhere, must be getting poorer
• You think that protestors outside nuclear power plants are dedicated activists, but protestors outside abortion clinics are dangerous zealots interfering with a legal activity
• You believe that more federal regulations will make your life better
• You believe that even though the top 20 percent of taxpayers pay 80 percent of income taxes, that the rich are not paying their “fair share
• You believe in global warming today just as firmly as you believed in global cooling back in the 1970s
• You believe that there was never, ever a problem with biased news coverage until Fox News went on the air
• You believe that Mikhail Gorbachev deserves more credit for losing the Cold War than Ronald Reagan deserves for winning it
• Your parents gave you an acre of preserved rain forest for your first birthday
• You cannot name a single NASCAR driver
• You mentally subtract 100 points from someone’s IQ if the person speaks with a Southern accent
• You think that the phrase “separation of church and state” is in the Constitution
• You pride yourself on your global awareness, global sensitivity and global outlook, but can’t name your state legislator or school board representative
• You believe that a woman should make it on her own, without depending on her husband (except for Hillary Clinton)
• You believe that rich people should not be allowed to contribute so much money to candidates for office (except for George Soros)
• You believe that government should make a special effort to hire members of traditionally oppressed groups, such as African-Americans (except for Clarence Thomas, Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice)
• You feel a deep sense of common cause with oppressed groups, such as Hispanic immigrants (except for Cuban Americans fleeing Castro)
• You think people in south Florida, who can’t figure out how to work a butterfly ballot, ought to have the final say in choosing the president of the United States
• You have no problem with Hollywood movie starts flying around in private jets to give speeches on the evils of SUVs
• You think that raising taxes will reduce the budget deficit
• You deplore prejudice and bigotry in all its forms, but think that everyone in the “red states” is an idiot
• You are more concerned, more often, with the rights of convicted felons than you are with the rights of small business owners
• You uphold a woman’s right to choose, unless a woman chooses adoption, chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, chooses to homeschool, or chooses to start a business
• You have used the phrase, “in Europe, the government pays for health care and vacation,” without irony
• You are worried about how the French view Americans
• You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography “only has to look the other way”
• Your father wore flowers and your mother wore army boots in the sixties
• Your FIVE-YEAR-OLD tells YOU what to do!
• And finally, you are almost certainly a liberal if you refuse to admit that you’re a liberal, and accuse anyone of calling you a liberal of McCarthyism

Romance 101: Pepe Le Pew and The Continental

Valentines Day is fast approaching, which will find many men rushing around at the last minute trying to find that perfect gift. Gifts are great, but what is missing is the romance. So in preparation for Valentines Day I am offering lessons in love from the masters themselves:

Click on the picture to view video

Disclaimer: Stalking “the love of your life” is discouraged, and before attempting any of the techniques demonstrated in either video, we suggested you check local laws to ensure that you do not end up spending Valentines Day in jail sharing candy with a guy named “Bubba.”

Paddington the Bear: Illegal Immigrant

Who knew that the beloved storybook bear Paddington was about to be caught up in the world of international intrigue? Michael Bond, the writer who invented Paddington, is planning to write a new book to celebrate the 50^th Anniversary of Paddington. And the storyline you may ask….Paddington’s immigration status!

Wanted Dead or in Handcuffs: Paddington the Bear

You see, Paddington is in fact from Peru, who snuck into the United Kingdom by stowing away on a freighter. The story will include Paddington being interviewed by the police to determine if the furry little felony should in fact remain in England.

But why stop there? I think we can tie in the Paddington plot into the upcoming season of 24. Who wouldn’t want to see Jack Bauer interrogating the beloved, raincoat wearing, rubber booted bear? Better yet, we can expand the story to include the band of characters from that hotbed of controversy, the 100 Acres Woods. I have always had my doubts about Eeyore! This whole issues has got me thinking……does anyone really know the immigration status of Curious George?

I want to wish Paddington the best of luck. Paddington will have his hands full, and for his sake I hope Mr. Bond provides him with a good lawyer.

¡Paddington Libre!

Newsbusted: December 7, 2007

24 - The Prequel

24 - The Prequel: Technology is Your Friend

I am a huge fan of the show 24. So when I came across this parody, I couldn't help but laugh. Enjoy.

Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!

A recent simian crime spree has the Indian police searching for a mobster monkey, name unknown, responsible for the theft of a pair of reading glasses from a tourist. Come to think of it, has anyone seen Michael Jackson’s former pal Bubbles?

Maybe the monkey needed visual assistance to live by the motto “Monkey see, monkey do.” If this was America the ACLU would volunteer to represent the criminal, and then turn around and sue the government for not providing the monkey with a pair of glasses in the first place.

Can’t wait to see the episode of “Indian’s Most Wanted” on this one. I do not know what is more ridiculous. The fact that the tourist filed a complaint, or that police were last seen searching local alleys in search of the criminal (which should be easy to find…..how many monkeys can there be wearing designer glasses?).

Fox News Story - Shock the Monkey

Video of Random Monkey Crimes: